boobs
i love boobs
my ex once asked my why men like them so much and i didnt have an answer. and i still dont. but now the lives of my fam has changed because of the cancer in my moms breasts. and its scary. and confusing, and inconcievable!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D58LpHBnvsI
i remember when papa told me the results of the test over the phone i was in the minards parking lot just getting to my truck, we said our goodbyes. and when i sat down in the drivers seat i reached for the pop that i already had opened and proceeded to fumble and spill about all of it over the cupholders and floor. until that point i thought i was taking the news well, but my lack of dextarity proved me wrong.
and i cant do anything about it. and neither can she, and shes mom! mom can do anything!
i cant even say the word cancer, i even cringed typing it.
so here i am and here my family is, not knowing what will happen and what to do. which makes writing this hard simply because of all the unanswered questions we all have BUT we still have each other so thats good
well put baby brother. i’m back in LA and am so glad the sun is out. but, never have i so badly wanted to be in two places at once.
And wholly awesome.
Well, today was… interesting.
I was sad all day long. The first communication I had with another person today was Alexis telling me that Farrah Fawcett was dead and that Michael Jackson was nearly dead. I was talking to one of my co-workers tonight about what it’s like to work a night job and wake up to a full day of news and he basically sumed it up by saying “I woke up and Michael Jackson was dead.” Yeah. It feels like the whole world is living (or not living) without you sometimes.
And then, ya know… I don’t know. I don’t know if it ever really occured to me that Michael Jackson would ever actually die. It was like Anna Nicole’s death in that you know it’s going to happen probably sooner rather than later, but when it actually does happen it’s as if the thought never even crossed your mind. I think I finally realized today that I get upset when celebrities I enjoy die because I’ve never really had to live my life without them. It’s like a piece of furniture in your grandmother’s house or something. It’s just there and you maybe don’t even notice its beauty or quality that often. And then one day it gets sold or moved or destroyed and all of a sudden it’s not there and you don’t know why but for some reason it kind of crushes you.
What is really killing me about this whole thing as well is that Ed, Farrah, Michael… all three of them spent the last years of their lives in the headlines for shitty things that tore apart their reputation or changed what people thought of them. Wether it was their fault or not, let’s think about how much worse someone’s health and emotional problems would get if they had to face everyday feeling like the world was against them, having gossips tear them apart and make light of what was likely an increddibly tragic thing for them. Honestly, I don’t think my heart could take that at all.
I know that a lot of people hate Michael Jackson for the things he did or was accused of (and they are horrible and wrong things and my usage of parentheses is not meant to make this an aside as much as I think we all know that I’m not pro-child molestation or endangerment), but let’s remember that he was an abused child himself. He spent the first handful of years of his life being beaten behind closed doors and then going out on stage and performing for the world. That’s not a flat-out excuse for his behavior by any means, but I think it’s something worth considering.
I’m ashamed it wasn’t the situation in Iran or something else that’s a reflection of my intelligence, but today broke my heart. I just felt really sad for the whole world. And then I’d find myself singing “PYT” in my head and then I’d start bawling behind my desk. People were crying in their cars today all over LA. It just sucks. Everything kind of sucks right now and we really have to do something about it.
The only thing I’ve done so far is make this necklace I’m wearing and wrote this blog entry. But after I finish the freelance project I’m about to start and get my 3-5 hours of sleep before I wake up and have to try and call the Massachusetts RMV again I’ll find some time to start saving the world or something. I don’t know. It’s hard.
- me: are you texting yourself again?
- sister: maybe...







